four museums in a day: impressionists

I knew I had a lot to do today. Apart from all the Viennese stuff, I had spotted an ad for an exhibition at a Hofburg gallery called the Albertina: Monet Picasso. I had taken it that this would be a smackdown between the two heavyweights of early 20th century art, but (with just three Monets, ten Picassos) it was much more than that. Apart from pictures by Renoir, Cezanne, Toulouse-Lautrec, Munch and Modigliani, there was this by Sisley, from 1885:

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I always forget, with the Impressionists, how early they were doing this stuff. Even – decades even – before World War I came along, they were already deconstructing the basic elements of vision into blocks of colour, like this Matisse, in 1905:

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Then came Picasso, getting there (Pots and Lemons) in 1907:

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while by 1911 (Glass and Apple) he had blown the whole still life thing apart (spot the glass and apple…)

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Beyond that, there were so many amazing paintings in there that I could spend all day, so I’ll just show you a few here in whatever form I can find them (some of poor quality, I’m afraid), in chronological order of when they were painted. That excludes some I would love to have included by Braque, Chagall, Giacometti and Max Ernst, among others, but there we go…

So first, and the only other one from before World War I (1912 in fact) this painting of the Italian port city of Genoa by Alexandra Exter, a Russian whom I had never heard of before:

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Also by Alexandra Exter, from 1916-18, Dynamic Colours (Blue, White, Red)

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Then a Monet Water Lily Pond, from 1917-19:

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And his House Among The Roses, from 1925:

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Paul Klee, Steamboat in the Harbour (1925):

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Kandinsky: Inner Alliance (1929):

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Emil Nolde: Garden With Autumn Flowers (1934):

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Joan Miro: Metamorphosis (1936):

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Klee again: Most Respectfully Yours (1937):

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Picasso again: Still Life With Guitar (1942):

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And finally, Miro again, from 1949: Woman in Front of the Sun:

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So that was it. Or rather it wasn’t it – that’s just all I can show you. And I hadn’t even started on the painters from Vienna yet…

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…and again, this time with jewelry…

So after I looked at the Habsburgs’ art collection, then I went to their treasury. Usually a treasury has money in it, but this treasury was full instead of some real treasures – some of the most amazingly valuable objects I have ever seen!

This is the Habsburg crown and orb and scepter, which were made about 500 years ago, and about 200 years ago became the crown jewels of the Austrian Empire:

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This is a picture of the Emperor of Austria wearing them about 200 years ago:

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and then there was the crown of the Holy Roman Empire, which is much, much older – probably around a thousand years old:

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Even older – maybe a hundred years older – is this cross, and the objects on either side of it.

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The one on the right is supposed to be a piece of the actual cross on which Jesus was crucified (of course it probably isn’t, but sometimes it’s what people believe that matters). The other is more controversial: it is supposed to be the point of the spear which was stuck by a Roman soldier into Jesus’ belly to check whether he was dead or not, after he had been hanging on the cross for several hours, inlaid with one of the nails which were hammered through Jesus’ hands. Sometimes known as the Holy Lance, and at other times as the Spear of Destiny, it was associated with Frederick Barbarossa, a Holy Roman Emperor of 900 years ago, and is sometimes supposed to have occult powers, so that the destiny of Europe will lie in the hands of whoever controls it. Some people say that part of Adolf Hitler’s motive in invading Austria in 1938 was to retrieve the spear from the museum for this reason; certainly he moved it from Vienna to Nuremberg, where it had been before for several hundred years, and where he held his biggest public rallies. His operation to invade Russia in 1941 and so complete his domination of Europe was called Barbarossa. Of course this theory has its problems; if the Spear is in Vienna, why don’t the Austrians now control Europe?

Finally, there was this emerald, the largest in the world, which was turned into a reliquary by one of the emperors. At least, he ordered it: the artist who cut it had to be really careful to make sure he didn’t damage it while he did so…

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oh no, those Habsburgs again…

I thought that yesterday had been my day of visiting Habsburg palaces, but it seems that in Vienna their influence runs deeper than that…

Today I went to the Vienna art history museum, a very grand structure…

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…that, as it turns out, was built by Franz Josef, the penultimate Habsburg emperor (can you believe he actually was happy with facial hair like this?)

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This museum is based largely upon the incredible number of art objects that the Habsburgs collected over their many centuries of extreme wealth and power. This went back as far as the ancient Egyptians, but they really don’t do it for me (too formulaic, even if grand) so I headed for the Greeks and Romans.

I got a sense of this in the Louvre last week, but something major happened with the Greeks about 2500 years ago. At 500 BC there was this (excuse the blurry photography):

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Then within 50 or 100 years there was this:

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What on earth happened there? A complete change in looking at the world, away from the generic and into flowing detail…no wonder they call this time the birth of western civilization…

Then there was the Roman pomp. The hard man, Julius Caesar:

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The cold majesty of Caesar Augustus (just like in Paris):

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The less edgy trio of Hadrian, Vespasian, Trajan:

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But there was also something else which was new to me: the cameo. This was a form in which the artist took a piece of onyx, a banded stone with layers of brown and white, and carved through the white to the brown, which formed a dark background, before cutting intricate detail into the white as foreground. These people were incredible technicians. There were lots of stunning pieces, but this example of Augustan majesty was probably the standout:

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In the top half Augustus sits in glory next to the goddess Roma, with another goddess holding the imperial laurel over his head and his generals arriving to report to him. The bottom half shows soldiers after a military victory, with some Germanic captives bound in chains at the left. Rome at the summit of its military and artistic power.

And then there was the crisis of the 3rd century, a time of war and misery:

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And wouldn’t you like a pet griffin like this one? It’s listening to its master playing music…

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Upstairs there were an incredible number of mostly boring renaissance paintings which could only really be of interest to serious art aficionados, but there were some that stood out, whether for warmth, like this Titian (Madonna of the Cherries) with Jesus and John the Baptist feeding fruit to Mary:

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or for gritty atmospherics like this one by Gentileschi (Rest on the Flight to Egypt)’ which shows the holy family as refugees, running away from Herod’s command to kill all the young babies in Israel – a beautiful take on exhaustion, motherly devotion, and suspicion, with Jesus’ eye fixed on the camera (so to speak):

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or Caravaggio’s Madonna of the Rosary:

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Apart from being an amazing study in colour and light, this was apparently controversial at the time because it showed the people kneeling with dirty feet! Considered too real:

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A couple of Duerer portraits, an affectionate one of his dad, and one of the Emperor Maximilian I (the one with the empty tomb in Innsbruck), for some reason holding a pomegranate:

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And a couple of Brueghels that I have always liked, this one about the bible story where men try to build as high as the sky, and how ridiculous that was (if you look at the tower it’s pretty wonky, and the workmen in the bottom corner aren’t happy about it, even though the king is making them carry on):

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And this one about winter, with the hunters coming home almost empty-handed in the snow:

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Then three paintings of a little girl, which made me think of Kyria, because no father who has a beautiful daughter and watches her grow could stay unmoved by them. This little girl was Margarita Teresa, favorite daughter of Philip IV, who was King of Spain 350 years ago. For political reasons, he decided when she was two years old that when she grew up, she was going to get married to Leopold, who was eleven years older than her, and was going to be the next Holy Roman Emperor. But the thing was that Leopold was in Austria while Margarita Teresa was in Spain, in the days when it used to take weeks to travel between the two countries. So Philip kept getting artists to paint pictures of Margarita Teresa and then had them sent to Leopold. In the museum the were three of them, all done by a painter called Velasquez. The first was done when she was two:

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and the next when she was five:

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and the third when she was eight:

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Then, finally, these two freaky paintings by Arcimboldo, who lived 450 years ago. On the face of them, they look like heads, but when you look closely they are all made up of things to do with winter (the first one) and water (the second):

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Habsburg Day

Today I went to two places: the summer palace of the Habsburg royal family, just outside the center of Vienna; and their winter palace, right in Vienna. These people had not just one palace but two! and every six months they packed up and moved their army of servants from one to the other…

Schoenbrunn, the summer palace, is grand from the front (and not looking too different from 250 years ago, painted by Canaletto):

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and grand from the side:

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and grand when seen from the top of the hill behind it (again, pretty much like Canaletto did it 250 years ago):

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It has grand gardens with grand obelisks:

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and grand ornamental ponds:

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and grand fountains and grand follies:

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They even built their very own Roman ruin, since they didn’t happen to have one in the first place!

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But somehow the gardens seemed a little soulless – all formality and no spontaneity, everything planned just so (I guess that is why the English garden, with its concessions to wildness, is often rated so highly…)

Inside the palace was pretty grand too:

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…but you probably wouldn’t want to live there…

One nice thing that they had in the garden, though, was a labyrinth and a maze (where I got completely lost…)

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So then I went to the Habsburgs’ winter palace, the Hofburg, in the centre of Vienna, which, as you can see from the photo, is itself a pretty grand place:

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The Habsburgs had the most amazingly beautiful and rich collection of tableware:

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and some more very grand rooms:

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and the empress wore some very grand gowns:

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They even had the first bath in Austria, built for the Empress less than 150 years ago – did you know that until then even the Emperor of Austria used bowls and jugs to keep himself clean?

But somehow they – the second-last Emperor of Austria, Franz Joseph (who died in 1916, in the middle of the First World War; his empire survived him by two years) and his wife Empress Sissi – weren’t happy. They drifted apart; their eldest son shot himself dead; the Emperor found meaning through duty, but she couldn’t; she had always been a free spirit, but in the last years of her life she took to driving herself into perpetual motion (traveling around Europe) and even danger where she could find it. She was a strikingly beautiful woman…

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…but aware that maintaining her beauty was what the world demanded of her. In that she seems less 19th century than 20th (or even 21st), although she never lived to see the 20th: she was obsessed with nutrition and diet and her figure (though she loved cookies too); she paid meticulous care to her complexion, trying all sorts of different face masks and cosmetic recipes; she had a gym set up in her room and worked out every day; she demanded control of her children’s education; she forbade any photographs of her after her 35th year; she travelled to escape.

For all that, though, she was incredibly spoilt. Even though she had the luxury of having her ankle-length hair braided for three hours a day (it took a whole day to actually wash it) while a tutor taught her Greek; even though her husband indulged her in pretty much anything, buying and restoring properties for her and equipping them with armies of servants, before she lost interest and moved on; even though she lived in luxury which would have been totally unimaginable to her subjects; even though she could have done something useful and responsible with her life (as it seems she did early on when she espoused the cause of the Austrian colony of Hungary and persuaded her husband to grant it some rights), she chose instead to spend her time writing indifferent romantic poetry lamenting the chains in which she was bound. She was assassinated in Geneva at the age of 61, 16 years before the First World War – after which the whole lot got chucked out, sparing her pampered kind the further trouble.

It’s easy to see, though, how (since she found her duties meaningless, and ultimately – since no-one was going to make her – refused to do them) she has an enduring appeal to people who are unhappy with their jobs, a very 20th and early 21st century phenomenon…

when I came out of the Hofburg the sky was overcast, the wind was up, and the temperature had dropped by about 10 or 15 degrees. Back to northern Europe…

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Danube

Today I came down (for the first time in my life, so far as I remember) to the Danube, which is Europe’s longest river apart from the Volga in Russia, and historically was, along with the Rhine, the northern continental frontier of the Roman Empire. I expect to be with the Danube on and off for the next ten days, until it turns south in Hungary towards the Balkans and the Black Sea, and I continue to the east.

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I encountered it at a place called Linz, another quietly prosperous, medium-sized, onion-steepled city. Adolf Hitler grew up here, though to give it its due, so did Ludwig Wittgenstein, a philosopher of language so highly rated by his peers that one of them referred to him as “God”.

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I went to the Lentos art gallery, also highly rated for its modern collection. This was a disappointment, although its premise was interesting: 11 rooms, each one dedicated to a decade since 1900, with the odd wild card from a different era thrown in. The earlier decades were more interesting, mostly because they featured things like painterly technique over clever, obscure or clever/obscure ideas. There was a resurgence, quite textural, in the 1970s and 1980s, though, before an even greater relapse in the 1990s and 2000s. In the last room the wild card was a Romantic painting of a moonlit gorge from 1825, and for evocation and atmospheric depth it won hands down over anything around it.

The other exhibition was Jack Freak by Gilbert and George, a blaring display of gargantuan exhibitionism based around the Union Jack; mostly self-promotion (the artists and their London milieu) and not much substance. Apart from a few mildly funny comments, like a picture of a stone-carved Christ bearing his cross in agony captioned “Carry On” (though upon reflection even this is sniggeringly trivializing of a significant depiction of human experience) it was pretty much summed up for me by the name of the first piece inside the door: Jack Shit. Symptomatic of the self-(ir)reverential blatancy of much 21st century British culture: plenty to shout about, but not much to say.

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I travelled on through a country of rolling, wooded hills, interspersed with fields of grass, wheat and maize planted around sturdy farmhouses, through tiny halts where simple churches stood on hilltops, and finally down by the rolling green Danube, amid poplars and more onion-steepled churches. So I came to a little place called Melk, which is completely dominated by a massive church on a bluff overlooking the Danube:

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There were large groups of old folk visiting here; I call them old folk, though I don’t suppose they were that much older than me. Whatever its physical aspects (and of course those cannot be discounted) it seems to me that the process of aging is more dangerously a mental one: travel in packs with others of like age and culture, listen to what you are told, all take photos from the same angles. I’ve no doubt that there are types of people who act like this throughout their lives, but it does seem to be particularly prevalent among the elderly. I wonder if it is a developmental function of age, or a financial thing?

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The complex was another baroque one, built around 300 years ago. It had a beautiful library, with a globe from those days:

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Europe is in the middle, and you can see Arabia to the right.

There was a baroque ceiling too, with some people colourfully levitating:

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I don’t normally go for the baroque, since it seems to take itself terribly seriously (and for other reasons I explained in Innsbruck), but in this case it was so incredibly over-the-top that the effect actually worked, all that shimmering gold blasting consciousness through the realms of mere cupidity and on into elevation of spirit:

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The dome was enhanced by having hundreds of delicate flowers descending from it on long threads:

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Another one of those ceilings:

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An ornate pulpit:

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And then there was this altar:

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Below the standard camp baroque painting of Jesus baptising John the Baptist, you’ll see that there is a long box lying on the altar table. If you look carefully, you’ll notice that this box contains a skeleton, supposedly of a saint. It was given to the church by the Empress Maria Theresa. The problem was, though, that nobody knew who this saint was or where he was from, or even his name – so they decided to affectionately call him Friedrich. I find it very hard sometimes to get into the baroque mind…

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Salzburg

Salzburg is another pretty town in the mountains – or at least there are mountains on one side of the city, as you can see from this view from the castle at the top of the town:

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The museum in the castle had an impressive display about torture, including a number of instruments – another reminder that Europe has a history of incredible violence and inhumanity, even in a place with pretty streets like this:

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There was another baroque cathedral too, this one a little on the fusty side. And the picture below is the house where Mozart was born; I didn’t go in because I figured that, although he wrote some amazing music, he might as well have been born in one house as in another…

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Whatever is happening in other parts of Europe, there is certainly no shortage of money in Salzburg – tonight all the restaurants in all the squares are full of people eating and drinking, late into the evening.

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Innsbruck

Innsbruck is a small city in the mountains, built around the Inn river, which flows swiftly through the town. Although it’s beautiful, you wouldn’t want to fall in, or you would probably get swept away pretty quickly and drown…

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Innsbruck used to be very important because it controlled the trade routes between Germany and Italy, which ran through high Alpine passes like the Brenner, even in winter, and had to pass through the city. Because of this strategic importance, an emperor of the Habsburg family, Maximilian I, who lived around 500 years ago, moved his headquarters here. He was the Holy Roman Emperor, and was involved in the control of lands not just around here and in Italy and Germany and further east too, but even as far away as the Netherlands and Spain. He was probably the most powerful man in Europe. He built this gold roof (amongst other things) to show off how wealthy he was. It’s now the main tourist attraction in the city.

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Before he died, he designed a grand tomb for himself in a church called the Hofkirche. He is the black figure kneeling on top of the tomb, while all the black knights paying homage around him are supposedly his ancestors.

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In fact, as Maximilian died on the way to Vienna and his body was taken there instead, he isn’t buried in the tomb at all – it’s empty. As you can see, though, it’s still rather grand. Not quite as grand, however, as the Jakobsdom, or cathedral of St. James, just around the corner but built over 200 years later. When I went in, there were only a handful of people in there, at the front, kneeling and chanting prayers to their Catholic God. I found this slightly sinister; I can’t argue with their right to worhsip as they choose, but I wonder if they are making these noises in the interests of peace, or of tribalism? I can’t help it, but everywhere I go here I remember the Jews…

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Anyway, the people in there were old, most of them with silver hair, so I wondered whether they were a dying minority still clinging to the old ways (whereas the young have iPods instead) – or is this what you do when you get old? The church itself was decorated, especially up high, with Christian paintings of people and angels worshipping Jesus, and lots of gold, just like Maximilian’s roof, but grander; self-referential and self-reinforcing baroque splendor, with everybody in the pictures in heroic poses. It’s easy to see how promoting this kind of thing could instil a narrow conformity that says “we are the best” and would see people who didn’t share its values (oh, those Jews) as aliens. But, I asked myself, if a real alien came down and landed in this church, what would he say those values were? The obvious one he would choose would be gold, or the worship of ostentatious wealth; also, he would say that they worshipped something up there, in the sky, since that is where all the characters in the paintings are looking. Finally, judging from the looks on the faces in the paintings, he might say that the people who worshipped here had no sense of humor, or irony..

About the time that church was built, Innsbruck got important again because the Hapsburgs, who were now based in Vienna, reached a point where their family ran out of male children, and the next in line for the throne was a young woman, Maria Theresa. In those days it was assumed that you needed a man to be Emperor, but she was a pretty strong-willed woman, and had other plans. She got herself married to a guy who ruled Lorraine, on the borderlands between France and Germany, and whose grandfather had done some big military favors to the Habsburgs half a century earlier, before he married a Habsburg himself. They had 16 children; here they are with some of them:

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Maria Theresa’s marriage was enough to get her and her husband accepted as the rulers of the Empire (though not without a war or two) – especially because the rulers of Lorraine, for some obscure European reason, also ruled the Tyrol, the mountainous area of which Innsbruck is capital. So, whether for sentimental or political reasons, Innsbruck got itself back in the limelight again, and Maria Theresa put a lot of work into redesigning its palace, the Hofburg. I went and visited that too.

The thing is that by then, the European monarchies had come a long way from the days when Maximilian I was showing off his wealth because that was what he had to do to stay as top dog in a dog-eat-dog world – they had come about half way from that, in fact, to the daft ceremonial celebrity-worshipping monarchies of today (or should I say “monarchy”, because as you’ll notice, the only one of the important monarchies of those days – the French, the German, the Austro-Hungarian, the Russian, even the Turkish – that made it through the 20th century was the British, and that mostly in the form of a state-subsidised soap opera). So when I looked at Maria Theresa’s expensively remodelled Innsbruck palace, and when I learned that her son’s two-week-long wedding party, in 1765, demanded that so much food should be given by ordinary people to the royal family – at the point of a sword, if necessary – that the ordinary people came close to starvation, then I understood why the Americans and the French threw out their royal families within the next 25 years after that.

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The walls and the ceilings were painted in the same kind of style as in the Jakobsdom, except that here the worship was of the royal family itself, even if there were a few idealized pictures of the people who provided them with the food and other goods which made their luxury possible. It was all terribly pompous and over-decorated and again completely without a sense of humor – these people took themselves tremendously seriously! But the thing is that the tourist industry of today is also based on taking them seriously, and at face value, just like the soap opera of celebrities today – or else (so it is said) how would they sell tickets to keep the place going?

Here is a triumphal archway that was built in Innsbruck to celebrate Maria Theresa and her husband:

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Nine years after Maria Theresa died the French Revolution began, and then Napoleon Bonaparte came to power in France, and a different kind of world began. Europe was torn apart. The rulers were fighting each other for their lives, and in some countries local people rose up against them. One such place was the Tyrol, where a man called Andreas Hofer led a local rising against Bonaparte. He was captured and killed by the French (Bonaparte is reported to have said: “give him a fair trial and then shoot him”), but this memorial was built for him in the same church as Maximilian I’s tomb:

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That was a time after which the rulers began to have to pay more attention to the people they ruled, which was the beginning of the world we know today.

Today’s Innsbruck is calm and peaceful. The buildings are still painted in the traditional way:

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There are quaint little alleyways in the old town too:

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But no matter how nice it all is, there is somehow something that doesn’t feel quite right. Just a nagging feeling that there is something lurking underneath it all – perhaps something to do with those poor Jews…of course all that is along time ago, and in this better world of today it couldn’t happen again – could it?

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Mitropa

is there such a thing as Central Europe? Once you leave France something definitely changes, but is that only because France has a unique sense of its own identity? Or is there a continuity among the lands to the East?

When I was a kid, the concept didn’t exist. There was Western Europe, which was with the Americans, and Eastern Europe, which was not (even if not always fully with the Soviets either – Yugoslavia, Romania). The two were divided by a wall, and you got shot if you tried to cross it (well, East to West, anyway). Then came 1989, and Germany was unimaginably one again, and the natural fault lines were free to resurface…

so far, the case looks good. There is a feel to it, something to do with the square shuttered houses and the onions in the church steeples, and the slow, hefty pace. It’s Germanic, but not just that – there are Slavs on the trains, and even the German accents seem to have a Slavic edge to them. So far means Germany, Switzerland, Austria (and Liechtenstein), but how will the concept fare in Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic? We’ll have to see…

In the meantime, nobody quite seems to be able to agree on its borders:

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four countries in a day

I took the train from Paris Gare de l’Est to Zuerich and thence along the sleepy shores of the lake into a verdant Alpine valley, through the angles of which became visible an occasional rocky peak streaked with snow. I alighted at Sargans and boarded the bus, crossing the infant Rhine (here scarcely more than a brook) and almost imperceptibly entering Liechtenstein, a land of thumping mountains and clean, upmarket Franco-German cars. Cows stood shading each other from the heat in meadows of white parsley. Two young blondes, one of them in hot pants, got on the bus speaking Russian. The bus driver ran a red light. Here like everywhere, there was a McDonalds.

Arriving in Vaduz, I disembarked and located the tourist office, where I bought a Liechtenstein stamp for my passport at a cost of three Swiss francs – a complete waste of money, but on what else was I going to spend the forty I had taken out of the wall? I thought I’d get a meal, but the cheapest entree was almost 20 francs, so I bought a sandwich from the Co-op and ate it in the road. Then I sat down outside a cafe in a quiet pedestrian zone and drank two glasses of Liechtenstein wine – a Gruener Veltliner and a Pinot Noir, the latter made (or so said the waitress, her hair a crown of Heidi braids) just 200 meters down the road – at a cost of 14 francs 50. Both stood the taste test, if not the financial one.

20110628-122650.jpg Vaduz castle from the streets of Liechtenstein

From there I took a roundabout bus full of sweltering school kids to Feldkirch, a small sweltering Austrian town whose train station claims, in German, an association with James Joyce’s Ulysses. The ticket clerk hailed me with “Gruess Gott!” I asked him when was the “erster” train to Innsbruck; he meticulously informed me about one at 6.00 in the morning, then, noting my confusion, and knowing full well that that hadn’t been what I wanted, paused theatrically for the slightest moment, and decisively said “naechste!” It turned out there was one in half an hour. I bought the ticket and went, still sweltering, for a native Austrian beer, a Goesser, in a small garden near the station. Before I boarded the train I bought another Goesser, from a woman in the station shop with a nose ring and a fulsomely tattooed left boob – the first of its kind I’d seen.

20110628-123041.jpg The Tyrol from the train

The train rolled through deep narrow valleys bursting with woodland, in and out of tunnels. To my left was a woman with a small baby and her friend, conversing in a Slavic language. At one point the friend, I thought, said “Inshallah” – Bosnian Muslims? We arrived at Innsbruck, a medium-sized town full of birdsong and surrounded by mountains, up to a certain height wooded, above which bare vegetation, then bare rock. I was last here when I was seven (a few days after visiting my only previous European microstate before Liechtenstein: San Marino); we stayed here on our way back from Italy to Bad Homburg. I have a vague memory of my father, and something to do with a gate, or a doorway. That was my parents’ last summer holiday together, after 23 years of marriage; it was all over within a year. 42 years later, I try to speak German, but they rumble me for an English speaker and it’s all in English from there on. The table next to me hosts six local women in late youth and early middle age, laughing affectionately at their experiences of the English; they amuse themselves at how, if you slow down enough, you get to be “dead slow”.

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One Nation under La Grande Arche

We went to another free concert, Sunday sunset by La Grande Arche de la Défense. People were sitting on the grass and the steps laughing and chatting and drinking beer. The support act was Keziah Jones, a Nigerian guy with a guitar and two percussionists, playing acoustic funk and bantering with the crowd in English and French as the sun went down through the arch. He told Paris he loved them, he always had and he always would, and they whooped and cheered and loved him back.

That fit the mood perfectly, but what followed created its own surreal weather. Like some souped-up monster truck straight from the 1970s, all fins and white wall tyres and stick shift on the steering columm, the P-funk machine came roaring onto the stage in a blue cloud of psychedelic synths and pure hard-ass American funk. No compromises to the world music ethos here beyond the occasional holler of “mercy bowkoo Pariss!” The rhythm section, the keyboard guy and no less than four guitarists kicked off by laying down a six-minute slab of grinding rock, before the small army of backing singers set to shrieking and wailing, and finally George Clinton himself, one month short of seventy and acclaimed in the French press as the only one of the original pantheon of funk (James Brown, Sly Stone) still left standing, shambled onstage like an old bear, dressed all in black and wearing an admiral’s cap. Beyond a few throaty co-ordinating growls and grunts at the mike (though at one point he had the whole crowd chanting “we got us some o’ that doodoo! We got us some o’that sheeit!”), he mostly wandered around wearing a giant grin, pointing to his musicians as they did their solo thang, and raising the crowd in cheering them on. How many of them there were is anyone’s guess: I counted at least three alternating drummers and two bassists, while the horn section, numbering between two and six at any given time, kept rotating personnel, and at one point there were around six women dancing and harmonizing in the middle of the stage in addition to the regular complement of two men and two women gyrating and singing backup. For most of the show there was a well-toned black guy in a long wig, white frilly trousers and a white feather boa shaking his stuff all over the stage and on top of the amp stack, while at one point George introduced his granddaughter to deliver a (lethal) rap about skank. Towards the end I spotted an executioner standing, arms folded, at the back of the stage. But there was no doubt who was the main man here. Upon close observation it became clear that he was wearing a bra under his admiral’s cap with the ends dangling down over his ears; during the finale he took it off, swang it around a few times, then engaged in a duel of lingerie with one of his backing singers who had himself produced one from somewhere.

At times it seemed more like some deranged and slightly disturbing cult (“Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time!”) than a musical ensemble, but it was unquestionably funk of the highest, most mesmerizing order too (“this is what we do!”). It was all there: bow wow wow, yippie yiy yippe yay (hilariously overlaid with “how much is that doggie in the window?”), Flash Light (the electric spanking of war babies), we got the funk, we’re going to get funked up…all, that is, except for One Nation Under a Groove, which he presumably played but we missed because we had to leave after the first encore when they looked like they were in the mood to go on all night (“the p-funk party don’t stop!”) and we had to make the last train.

maybe the most cheering thing about it, though, was the audience: one nation of all shades of white and black and brown partying together in good humor as the scent of ganja wafted through the evening air; the rainbow France that won the 1998 World Cup and Euro 2000, but on a mellow buzz. It would have been unthinkable when I was young that so many people in their 20s would go to let it all out at a gig by a musician approaching his 70th birthday; if someone had told me back when I was 17 and getting on down to One Nation on the dance floor at Annabella’s disco by Harrogate station, that in my 50th year I would be getting funked up by one of the great Paris arches (then yet unbuilt) with a crowd of people half my age and a third of George Clinton’s, I would have thought their vision as fantastical as any Funkadelic mothership, but I would also have been very pleased…

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